I typically don’t get all “tabloid gossip”-y on here, but Kanye West makes me feel stabby. And lately, the shit that drops out if his mouth makes me think that the best thing that could happen for his Kardshian-let is for Yeezus to go all Yochabed, stick that kid in a basket, and send her up a river so literally any-fucking-one else can find and raise her.
(For the Jesus freaks: yes, I know Moses’s mom’s name was Jochabed, I was sticking with the “y” theme, so calm down, you whiny yunts.)
Granted, I do have a personal beef with Kanye because his song Bound 2 rips on a girl for wearing Forever 21 when she’s 30. So fucking what if I wear Forever 21 in my 30′s? IT’S IN THE FUCKING NAME OF THE STORE, KANYE!
Recently, Cunt-ye compared himself going on stage to police officers in the line of duty, or soldiers at war. Referring to a prop mountain in his act:
“That mountain goes really, really high and, if I slipped … you never know. And I think about it. I think about my family and I’m like ‘Wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.’”
This made me realize that Kanye loves himself so much, he deserves his own sexual term, which I’m hopeful gets picked up by Urban Dictionary:
Kanye: to love yourself so much, that you give yourself an enema, drink the dirty enema water, and savor the flavor.
Sentence: After Kim Kardashian posted that picture of her post-baby body in a white bathing suit, she was so self-satisfied, she gave herself a Kanye.
Also, for the record, when I Googled “Kanye compares himself to”, this came up:
I love that “Hitler” is right up there, so here’s my list of how Kanye West is comparable to Hitler:
1. While in prison, Hitler wrote Mercedes and begged for a car loan. Kanye has to beg big brands to do business with him, too.
2. Hitler had chronic flatulence of the butt. Kanye’s mouth clearly suffers the same condition.
3. As a child, Hitler wanted to be a priest. As you can see from my search, Kanye thinks he’s God.
4. Hitler only had one testicle. Kanye has one testicle. (I don’t think that’s true, but pass it around anyways).
5. Hitler used frequent enemas as a medical remedy for ailments. Kanye had a sex act named after him that involves an enema (see above).
But alas, the similarities end there, as Hitler was allegedly an animal lover and the regime even enacted animal protection laws. Cunt-ye wears fur.
So, in some ways, the Fuhrer is better than Kanye.