Holiday Hottie Recipe – the Wiseass take on the Hot Tottie

I do love a good hot drink when it is cold – but given that I am not a huge sweets fan, all of the normal fare (Baileys, Kahlua, etc) is too much for my savory-preferences. But I have always loved a good Hot Tottie. Sadly, I asked for one recently at a restaurant and the young little waiter server just stared at me blankly. It made me feel old. Which made me want to drink even more.

So here is my little holiday twist on a classic. Maybe it will catch on and the Hot Tottie, or a slightly altered version, will have a new resurgence. Pass it on!

The Wiseass Wife’s Holiday Hottie

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A few shots of brandy (depending on your preference. I will not name an amount, lest I make you feel like an alcoholic for wanting more.)

Chai tea bag

Agave syrup to taste (honey will work as well)

Lemon wedge

Cinnamon stick

Directions: Make a cup of tea, steeping the Chai tea bag for no longer than 5 minutes. Steep-time is very important. Steeping too long is what gives your tea a bitter taste – and bitter tea is an American epidemic, IMHO. Next add your agave or honey to taste, mix in your brandy and float your lemon wedge. Add the cinnamon stick for a pretentious show of being fancy. VOILA!! A drink to get you both toasty AND toasted.

 

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Big Ass Book of Crafts review

I downloaded this book to my iPad because I love crafts and because I love TLC’S home makeover shows, and this book is written by one of their designers. That being said, I’m really disappointed with it. There were a few cute ideas in there, but not worth the money. Most of these crafts were barely above crafts you’d do with your kids. Nothing I would display in my home. I wanted “grown up” crafts; the kind you find being sold on Etsy, or pinned on Pinterest. I can not even tell you how many of these crafts had popsicle sticks as the staple supply. Seriously? Popsicle sticks? And the stuff just looked like crap at the end. The type of thing you will see on a Goodwill shelf, broken into two pieces because people pushed it aside when rummaging for stuff that was actually reusable. Don’t waste your money on this Big Ass Disappointment. I will feature the handful of decent ideas here for free!

Cherries in Winter book review

I saw this book at Barnes and Noble and was immediately intrigued. First, intriguing name. Next I saw it was the authors memoirs of managing her household after being laid off. My hubby and I are both employed, but we live in the Bay Area and I have an unnatural obsession with the Body Shop. So between our rent and other living expenses, and my shopping habit, it seemed to be a relevant read. naturally I ordered it from Amazon for much cheaper than the B&N was selling it.

The story takes place after the author, Susan Conlon, is laid off from her lucrative career writing for a magazine. Her mother suggests she take a look at her grandmothers box of recipes from the Great Depression to take some hints on cooking for her and her husband on the cheap. What Susan discovers is more than recipes, but tales of getting by during lean times. The story is a cool weaving of Susan’s modern day plights, with her ancestors Depression-era plights. She begins each chapter with one of her grandmothers recipes, most of which had meat so weren’t really relevant to me, but I thought a nice touch. Also, at one point, when her husband blows a nice little chunk of cash in lavish, gourmet, groceries, she decided to throw him a quickie rather than arguing with him. Now that is a nice diversionary tactic.

Reason I don’t use my hotel room coffee maker and cover the remote in plastic

My coworker told me that women wash their panties in the coffee maker and sometimes men pleasure themselves into it. Who knows if that’s true, but I’d rather err on the side of caution than have random chick crotch or baby batter in my mouth. I’m not in my twenties anymore.

Also, I cover the remote with the bag that comes in the ice bucket. A lot of lonely business men travel. And take advantage of that porn. They need that remote to access said porn. There seems to be a lot of undetected, free-flowing sperm in hotel rooms. And who wants that kind of sperm cocktail? Again, I’m not in my twenties anymore.

Hotel room facial (and hair treatment)

The only thing more glamorous than my glamorous jet-set life are all of the glamorous places I get to go! San Marcos, TX, wha-what? Albany, OR, holla!! Girls dream of growing up to be me. Well recently my travels whisked me off to the lush and exotic city of Winter Haven, FL. If you are looking for expansive desolate roads, delicately sprinkled with more drugstores than you can dream of, 7-11s, trailer parks and retirement homes, then look no further than Winter Haven. The only thing with more girth and grit than the burnt drip coffee sold by the bucket, are the women. Hot. I literally felt like a supermodel the entire time I was there: constantly flashing a dazzling smile for all to see my full set of teeth, and running my fingers through my hair to place emphasis on the fact that it was long both in the back AND the front (covert mullet joke). My third day there, my lack of sleep, long travels, and the Floridians love of cooking their fine cuisine with a seasoning bouquet containing a salt lick caused my face to be puffy and in need of serious exfoliation. Sadly, I came to this realization at 9pm at night, when it was, as I like to say, “dark and rapey” outside. What’s a bloated girl to do? As I looked around my hotel room I spied the coffee maker and a fresh stock of coffee (I try not to make coffee in my hotel room, more on that in another post). Hmmm…I’d heard of coffee facials. I also know that sugar is a great exfoliant, and there were packs of sugar with my little coffee bounty. After a little Googling, I devised a strategy to both make a facial mask AND a hair treatment. So here it is:

The Wiseass Wife’s Hotel Room Facial and Hair Treatment (using stuff commonly found in hotel rooms):

1 single serving of coffee

1 sugar packet

Brew your coffee like you are going to drink it, then set aside the liquid part.
Put the coffee grounds in a little cup and let cool a bit. Add the sugar and mix with a creamer straw. Smear on your face, neck, and boobage area.

Next, take the liquid coffee and step in the shower. Shampoo your hair as usual, then carefully pour it over your hair or, if it will fit, dunk the bulk of your hair into the cup and let your hair slurp up that coffee (blondies, fear not. You have to soak your head in coffee for about 2 hours for even a marginal color change. Even then it is temporary). Let coffee sit on face and hair for 20 minutes. Once 20 minutes is up, gently massage the grounds in a circular motion to exfoliate. Rinse both face and hair. Your skin will feel so freakin’ smooth and I didn’t even need to condition my hair. Moisturize your face as usual. The next day, my skin was GLOWING. See picture of me next day with my miniature horse friend. My skin PRACTICALLY outshines the cuteness of the horse.

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