Because, Why Not? How to Cook a Placenta and the Best Wine Pairings with Placenta (Warning: Graphic Pictures)

CAH recently noted that I am a quiet person. Which is weird because I have soooooo much stuff running through my head. His comment actually kind of surprised me. So I told him I’d try getting more of the stuff that is floating around in my head out of my actual head-hole. He thanked me.

Silly CAH.

So last night I say to him:

ME: What do you think human flesh tastes like?
CAH: Are you serious?
ME: Hey! You’re the one who wants me to start saying what I’m thinking!

I had him there.

I decided to google “What does human flesh taste like” and it brought up videos for cooking placenta. Human placenta. PEOPLE ARE PREPARING AND EATING HUMAN PLACENTA!

Just pretend it's animal liver

Just pretend it’s animal liver

Whenever I am confronted with something that shocks me, especially if it is gross/gory/violent, my thought process generally goes like this: “OH MY GOD THAT IS HORRIFYING!…..I should look into this more.”

When I got over the initial shock and thought about, it made sense. I mean, a placenta grew an entire human. There has got to be good shit in there, right? Apparently it is great for postpartum depression. January Jones, from Mad Men, apparently had hers made into pills and ate it.

got placenta?

got placenta?

I know that I’m likely on board with it because the traditional doctors are staunchly against it – so I am assuming that there is something to it.

Either way who cares – it’s your damn placenta. Do with it as you please.

Eating placenta

But people are cooking these placentas like they are a delicacy! I guess I get it – if you’re going to eat it anyways, may as well make it good. Apparently it is similar to liver. So I am throwing my own recipe into the ring. I have adapted this recipe from a vintage edition of Better Homes & Gardens cookbook.

Note: this recipe is adapted – they did not use placenta in the actual cookbook

Better Homes & Garden did not have placenta in mind when they wrote that.

Better Homes & Garden did not have placenta in mind when they wrote that.

Placenta Loaf

1 Placenta (be sure you remove the membrane and umbilical cord – that thing is a little tough)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup dry bread crumbs
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon celery salt
2 beaten eggs
1/2 cup vegetable stock
pepper to taste

Cover placenta with hot water and let it simmer for 5 minutes. Drain and put the placenta and onions in a food processor and process. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Put into a 10×5 loaf pan and form well.

Bake at 350 for 45 minutes

I have NOT tested this recipe, because I did not have a spare placenta. If you try it, let me know how it goes.

As for wine pairings, I’d say go with the traditional wine pairings for organ meats: Barolo, Rhone or Pinot Noir.

Whatever you do, don’t do Chianti. C’mon – that’s too obvious.

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