I debated whether to use “Rambo” or “Michonne” in the title of this blog post. I think that Michonne is more accurate and a much more modern pop culture reference, but I get that not as many people are as insanely obsessed with the TV show The Walking Dead as CAH and me are. If you are not, what is wrong with you???
Ok, ok, some of you are reading this and saying, “The Walking Dead was first a graphic novel and the TV show has deviated from it significantly.”
I don’t need your judgement, comic book nerds.
You know what? I want to use Michonne, not Rambo. So for those of you who do not watch The Walking Dead, this is Michonne:
Ok so my dog Olive is Michonne, ok?
Olive didn’t quite survive the zombie apocalypse, but she did survive living in a triple-wide trailer with 800 other dogs. That is not a typo. 800 other dogs. The police had to go and bust the owners and everything.
Needless to say it was a pretty bad scene and dogs were competing for food. There was apparently a lot of dog fighting, and many dogs were missing paws. Like they had been chewed off by other dogs.
So as you can see, like Michonne, Olive has seen some shit.
And so when we brought home a doberman and, a year later, a pit bull, Olive went full-on prison inmate on their asses.
I’ve never been to prison, so I can only go off of what I’ve learned from “American Me” and watching a marathon of “America’s Hardest Prisons.” I’ve also toured Alcatraz multiple times.
So when we bring home a new dog who outweighs her by 50+ pounds, Olive has a distinct orientation process:
1. Immediately jumps up and bites them in the face so they know what she is capable of
2. Jumps in one of our laps and bares her teeth and growls at them, so they get that we are her bitches and they are not allowed to come near us
3. Retires to her bed where she proceeds to fashion a shiv out of a toothbrush while never breaking eye contact with them. **
** This last one may be an embellishment.
In each instance that this happened, both dogs looked at me quizzically, silently demanding an explanation for this terrible behavior, and all I could do was shrug my shoulders and say, “She’s seen some shit. She survived in a triple-wide trailer with 800 other dogs and she is NOT one of the dogs who is missing a paw.”
This is about the time that they resign themselves to the fact that their lives will now be ruled by a 5-pound dog with a grudge and a low bite inhibition. And that is why we call her Mon Für-her.**
And for proof that chihuahuas and pit bulls can lovingly coexist, you should check out one of my favorite Facebook pages, Pit Bulls and Chihuahuas. There is so much pit-chi cuteness on there, you will want to squeeze your computer screen.
** Intentionally spelled like this; how funny is it that rearranging the letters in Fuhrer can give you words to denote a demonic female dog?