Ctrl + Z Morning After Pills: the Best Idea I’ve Ever Had

How has no one made a morning after pill called “Control Z” or “Ctrl + Z”? Morning after pill producers are missing a golden opportunity. I think a little humor would go a long way in the morning after pill experience. Also, put them in pink packages with black script writing. Make them look fancy.

This is how douchey babies are made

This is how douchey babies are made

Look, we’ve all been there. Stumbling to the drug store in last night’s clothing with a Battleshots shot cup still stuck in your hair and your panties in your purse. The whole time you are caught up in verbal self-flagellation for sleeping with that douchebag in the TapoutT shirt wearing what seemed like a gallon of Axe Dark Temptations Body Spray, and questioning whether or not you should admit what you did to your best friend because you think she is still secretly judging you about those twins in Las Vegas last month (some of that may be from personal experience, and some not, but I’m not telling you which) (it was the twins, ok? And you know what? I’m not even ashamed because men get to have all the fun twin stories they want and even get a pat on the back, but if a girl bags a set of twins because she thinks that a sexual position called “The Eiffel Tower” sounds romantic and she’s always wanted to visit Paris, she’s “skanky.”).

Beware of twins in Vegaswho say they can show you the Eiffel Tower

Beware of twins in Vegas
who say they can show you the Eiffel Tower

By the time you’re plunking down the cash for the morning after pill, which highlights the fact that last night’s bar stamp is still on your hand, you could use a good laugh to put the situation in perspective. No woman just happily moonwalks up to the pharmacy counter to cheerfully grab a dose of the morning after pill (although seriously, the first girl out there who can prove that she moonwalked to the pharmacy counter to request the morning after pill will get a year’s supply of Control Z morning after pills).

This is how little Snookies are made

This is how little Snookies are made

When you walk up to the pharmacy counter to request a morning after pill, it is usually softly requested with your head down in a mix of shame, and fear of hurling last night’s Beeritas all over the pharmacy counter. But imagine if it turned out that your morning after pills were called Control Z?

You: (quietly) Hey – um- hi, I need the morning after pill

Pharmacist: Why certainly! Would you like generic or Control Z?

You: I’m sorry, what? There is a morning after pill called Control Z?

Pharmacist: Yup! “Control Z – To completely undo what happened inside of you”

You: Ok, that is fucking awesome. I feel so much better, thank you. I think I’m even going to moonwalk out of here. I can’t wait to come back and order some more!

Which proves that a name like Control Z will ensure many repeat customers. A problem that I imagine is faced by many morning after pill companies.

You’re welcome, morning after pill companies, you’re welcome.

Ctrl + Z = undo last night

Ctrl + Z = undo last night

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One thought on “Ctrl + Z Morning After Pills: the Best Idea I’ve Ever Had

  1. Pingback: Vagina Fun Facts From Florida Friday – How Do You Like These Papayas? | The Wiseass Wife

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