He Never Even Gave Me Directions to the Champs-Élysées

Dear roofing company owners,

Please don’t put your Spanish-speaking-only day laborer on a drunk lady’s roof without telling her first that you’re even doing roof work. She may get concerned when she hears unexpected footsteps on her roof, which will cause her to fly out of the house with an inflated sense of bad-ass-edness and start screaming at the guy. And when he says “no speak English” and tries in vain to explain why he’s there in Spanish, she may start screaming back at him in the only French that she remembers from high school because she confuses French and Spanish when she’s drunk. Which will make your employee stop talking and just stare at her with a mix of terror and bewilderment, either because he doesn’t understand what she’s saying because it is in French, or because he actually does understand a little French, but is confused as to why she yelled at him to give her directions to the Champs-Élysées.

Thank you for your time.
Drunk Homeowner

P.s. I would also like it noted that he never even bothered giving me directions to the Champs-Élysées.


One thought on “He Never Even Gave Me Directions to the Champs-Élysées

  1. Pingback: Vagina Fun Facts From Florida Friday – Hallelujah! He Found the G Spot! | The Wiseass Wife

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