I Got a Brain Boner Which Made Me Redesign My Site

Me: I love like, getting a brain boner
Calm-ass Husband: huh?
Me: Like when you have one idea, that then blows up into a full fledged ejaculation of ideas
CAH: wow
Me: And I’ve had the biggest brain boners all day. I am literally ejaculating a thick non-stop stream of ideas all over the place today.
CAH: Wow, that’s an awesome use of that term.

Today’s brain boner was brought on by all of you. My readers. I can be naive at times (I totally had to spell “evian” and then retype it backwards because I momentarily forgot how to spell “naive”), so I thought you all were just really sweet and committed by reaching out to me by email, or Facebook message, to tell me if you liked a blog post or my blog in general.

Not ONE of you could have told me that I had comments enabled like a fucking dick head?

I was starting to get thoroughly confused by the fact that, as my readership increased, my emails increased, but my comments were at nothing. So I did some research by way of actually taking 2 seconds to look at my site and saw that the “leave comments” section is barely visible.

So I had to do a complete site redesign, which involved kicking back in bed, in a tank top and a pair of shorts I bought at Walmart years ago because they look like something that would have been worn by Mork if him and Mindy decided to go their separate ways so he could finally realize his dream of being a human bukkake cracker at Studio 54, and cruising the free themes on WordPress.

Bukkake cracker shorts

Bukkake cracker shorts

I thought about putting something up on my site that looked all official like, “Site Currently Under Construction,” but since that construction consisted of me listening to Dolly Parton while I press “Make Live,” it wasn’t worth it to put that up for, like, 30 seconds. Plus, I don’t think it can be truly called construction if it doesn’t include sweaty men. Or at least my husband next to me, all sweaty, while I press “Make Live.” Which would be awesome because I love smelling his armpits and his junk when he’s sweaty.

Is that weird?

Thanks for letting my brain boner ejaculate on you today, I hope you find the new site more user friendly.

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