Moms on Pinterest: the Silent War of Mom on Mom (and Not in the Fun Porn Way)

Guys, there’s a war brewing. It’s not a bloody one, like across the seas. It’s not a “meaningless PR shoulder-pat for politicians war”, like the one on drugs.

It’s worse. Much worse.

It’s a silent war on Pinterest. And the reason it’s silent is because it’s between women, specifically moms, so it’s passive aggressive and all done completely in subtext.

Men, don’t even bother running to Pinterest to see it for yourself, because it is only visible to other women. It’s like if you were in a room full of angry deaf people and you were the only one who didn’t know sign language.

There has been an increasing presence of moms on Pinterest who are hell-bent on proving that they are better moms than the rest. Moms Or Man-moms* Believing Other Moms Brutally Suck, or, MOM BOMBS.

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*This is a non-discriminatory blog, so you gay men with babies who are just as, if not more, insufferable, are included. That’s equality, bitch.

And it doesn’t even start when the baby is born.

For instance, are you one of those shitty moms who just called or texted everyone to let them know the sex of your baby?

BOOM! MOM BOMBed:

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Original pin caption: Gender Reveal, great idea!

Oh, and for those of you moms slumming around in maternity jeans and XXL Old Navy v-neck t’s?

BOOM! MOM BOMBed

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Original pin caption: Great maternity outfit idea!

And for those of you low-class bitches who merely let friends and family know your new baby’s name on a birth announcement:

BOOM! MOM BOMBed

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(her blog url is above in case you good samaritans want to head over there and give her the validation she clearly so desperately needs.)

By the way, moms of Pinterest, take note: this woman is not just a run-of-the-mill MOM BOMB. She is what we call a cut-throat MOM BOMB, and she is out for blood. Cut-throat MOM BOMBS are so narcissistic that, after they take a dump, they lean over the toilet and take a whiff in complete pride over what they just squatted out. They then immediately take a picture and Instagram it: #IShitPerfection.

This cut-throat MOM BOMB’s bloodthirst, fed by her competitive sense of smug self-satisfaction, led to a whole photoshoot of JUST the name reveal:

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AND not only did she do a name reveal photo shoot (or 3), but if your hospital bag merely contains a onesie, a book and some hemorrhoid cream, then BOOM! She has MOM BOMBed your ass, yet again:

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But alas, the baby will come, and what are these Pinterest moms to do to continue the good fight?

Snack foods, duh.

For you lazy bitches who just dump some cheerios and apple slices in front of your kids and expect to be called “Mother of the Year”, you need to get your shit together. If you’re not making food art, then you make us sick and you should just drop your kids off at a safe haven spot now, because they are headed straight for a life of crime while they’re stuck with your non-food-art-making asses.

And the moms of Pinterest want you slackers to know that they’re better than your deadbeat asses. In fact, this lady served her kids a DICK, just to subtly tell you what she thinks of you and your antiquated orange slices.

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(Dick Mom surprisingly has a few phallic-shaped works of food art, visit her blog)

Sadly, like any war, there are casualties. That is when food art becomes Rorschach tests (ink blot tests) and we know we’ve lost them.

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This war is deadly and it can’t be stopped. Mostly because the women will never admit there is actually a war, they’ll just smile huge fake smiles and give compliments, while deflecting compliments they receive with feigned self-deprication. Only those of us with the courage to stand up and point it out can bring attention to this plight.

Don’t be a part of the problem. Be a part of the solution. Mediocre moms unite!

On a separate note, if you really want to prove that your ovaries are superior to everyone else’s, or if you’re a regular mom who actually has a life, you can make a difference in this world:

This is Fiona, a 5-year-old Parson’s Terrier who needs a new forever home. She is located in the Sacramento, CA area and inquiries can be sent to 4rfriends.mail [@] gmail.com

And since she’s on this blog – it means you can pin her. So go ahead, let’s see this pretty face going around Pinterest – it’s far more preferable to fruit penises.

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3 thoughts on “Moms on Pinterest: the Silent War of Mom on Mom (and Not in the Fun Porn Way)

  1. Pingback: The Homeschooling Epidemic: How Homeschooling Mom Bloggers are Making Me Seriously Concerned About the Country’s Future Adults | The Wiseass Wife

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