Fucking Gays

and their always making the rest of us look bad by being over-achievers. Yes, I stereotype, but only in good ways. That’s why I have no problem saying that it seems like black and asian women never age.

Bitches.

But I was impressed to hear the progress that gay mayor Jimmy Cummings (or shall I say, Gayor Cummings?) of Vicco Kentucky is making as a politician.

I tend to not identify with one political party because I dislike them all too much to commit. Repubes, Democrabbys – they both irritate me to no end. Especially if they lean really liberal or conservative; I hate extremes. You know who’s extreme? Westboro Baptist Church. They’re horrible.

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You know who else is extreme? Hippies. They need to take a shower.

College liberal no guns

Essentially, I am like a lost little lamb in the political field. I have my own set of ideals, and I’ve worked tirelessly to get “Wiseassican” recognized as a political party, but the people at the post office keep yelling at me to “get off their property,” and that “they have nothing to do with assigning political parties,” and, “maybe I should learn a thing or two about American politics before I propose to start my own political party.”

Like that’s stopped anyone else.

But I do believe we should let people live their lives however the hell makes them happy, so long as the safety of other people or animals is not compromised (I’m looking at you, people into bestiality – sick fucks). Want a polygamous marriage? Knock yourself out (but not so fast, hands off the minors). Want an open marriage? Go for it. Want to make love to your entire vegetable drawer? Have at it. Why should I care?

I don’t, because it doesn’t affect me. And people being gay, does not affect you. You know who affects you? Rapists on the loose. And they’re allowed to marry. A guy could literally rape a girl on her way home from school, and then go get married. Well, you know, if he already had the license and everything ready to go. But it could happen. How does that guy deserve more rights than your innocent gay neighbor who doesn’t rape kids and, let’s face it, is bringing your property value up?

And that is why I am so tired of hearing people who are too afraid to just admit they don’t like gays, hide behind the excuse, “I don’t want them shoving their views in my face.”

So said one particular a-hole, Pastor Truman Hurt, during a segment on the Colbert Show where they spotlighted the fact that Gayor Cummings led the successful passage of a fairness bill, making Vicco the smallest town in the country to pass such a bill. The fairness bill states that people cannot be fired or denied medical treatment based on things like their sexual preference. Hurt opposes this and says that this is basically paving the way for the gay community to take over and push their lifestyle down our throats. (Full video below)

Which is funny because, if half as many gays as religious people knocked on my door to force their lifestyle down my throat, then maybe that argument would be valid. But not one has. Not one. And I’ve not once heard any of those hateful assholes complaining about Jehova’s Witnesses and the like, who literally knock on your fucking door to shove their fucking lifestyle down your throat. Not once.

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At least the gays would probably come with some wine. Those Jehova’s Witnesses never bring booze, and after all these years of listening to them blather on, I’m yet to fully understand what it is they witnessed Jehova doing. It must’ve been some scary shit because he’s got them repping him hard.

Bottom line: I’d honestly respect these assholes more if they at least admitted that they don’t like gays. Better to be an honest asshole, than a lying asshole.

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