The Homeschooling Epidemic: How Homeschooling Mom Bloggers are Making Me Seriously Concerned About the Country’s Future Adults

Homeschooling seems to be as much of a rising trend as going gluten-free, or naming your kids any name with a suffix that rhymes with “ayden”. I believe it is a trend made popular from the rising mom-on-mom war crisis I reported not long ago. It’s an idiot’s war, to say the least.

Sidenote: I recently found out that the word “idiot” used to be the old term for the mentally disabled, before being replaced with today’s more popular term, “retard”. “Retard” is now taboo, so I’m not sure if “idiot” is also taboo, or if we can still safely use it? Also, if we are phasing out “retard”, once the new replacement word is phased in, will “retard” be allowed back in the rotation, like idiot was? Or is this word retired forever? My dad works with the mentally disabled, so I asked him what they call each other. Surprisingly, they call each other “retard,” and are offended when a peer calls them “idiot”. So I’m wondering if we aren’t waging war on the wrong word? It seems like we never even bothered to ask the mentally disabled which word offends them most, and I find that to be a complete lack of consideration for their feelings, as well as blatant disregard of their intellectual and emotional ability to decide these things for themselves. Frankly, I’d like us to stick with one word, so I don’t have to constantly stay abreast of which words I’m not allowed to use. Sticking with one taboo word makes things much more efficient.

Back to homeschooling.

I’m all for homeschooling. In some cases. In fact, my mom homeschooled my youngest brother. My mom is also a Stanford-educated attorney. The homeschooling moms I’m seeing in the blog-world are continuation school….at best.

Unfortunately, these barely-educated women (who’ve taken it upon themselves to pass their partial-knowledge on to their children) have found the world of blogging. The blogging world has afforded anyone with a computer and an Internet connection the ability to spout-off anytime they want. Case in point:

Screen shot 2013-10-02 at 12.21.20 AM

Moms who blog and homeschool frequently seem to have a passing acquaintance with the English language. For example,  Jamie from DIY Home Sweet Home gives these tips:

Screen shot 2013-10-02 at 12.31.52 AM

Screen shot 2013-10-01 at 11.07.28 PM

For fuck’s sake*, would a little punctuation kill you? You could probably throw a handful of commas at your blog, let them fall where they will, and it will make more sense than it does now.

* Fuck’s sake: Notice the apostrophe, Jamie, noting that the sake belongs to “fuck”. Punctuation is brilliant.

I found Jamie’s blog through Pinterest and, after reading her tips and wondering what high school freshman was writing the blog, wandered over to her bio:

Screen shot 2013-10-01 at 11.12.45 PM

Of course she’s an entrepreneur, because every goddamn mom blogger out there is calling themselves an entrepreneur. Sorry, “momtrepreneur”. Listen, making a few bucks through sponsored links on your blog content that, let’s face it, isn’t groundbreaking, doesn’t make you an entrepreneur. By that standard, anyone who’s bothered to clean out their closet and sell their old crap at a consignment shop could call themselves an entrepreneur.

Entrepreneur seems to be a word that is thrown around a lot these days. I don’t think half of the people out there, proclaiming themselves to be an entrepreneur, know what it actually means.

Forbes defines “entrepreneur” as: “those who identify a need— any need —and fill it.”

I hate to break it to you “momtrepreneurs”, but: a million blogs, each spitting out the same tutorial for crappy thrifty homemade skirts that only other mom-bloggers would wear, or “healthy” snacks for kids that, in actuality, have the nutritional value of a Lunchable, is not fulfilling a need. You’re just the RC to cola’s Coke. Or cola’s Pepsi. Or cola’s Jarritos. Or cola’s Jones.

Now write a blog about how I can successfully have a child and not have to raise it full time, only having it on holidays to keep friends and relatives from constantly asking me when I’m going to have a baby, and you have a winning blog.

Start a successful business of volunteers who take on full-time children that aren’t even theirs, only giving them back to their biological parents for short periods of time, namely calendar holidays, and you can call yourself a “momtrepreneur”.

Darling Danielle over at the Blissful and Domestic blog is another mom blogger who homeschools. Here is a selection from her blog:

Screen shot 2013-10-01 at 11.33.51 PM

What is it with homeschooling mom-bloggers and their aversion to punctuation?

P.s. Danielle:

“Every Day” means, “each day”. “Everyday” means something that is commonplace, such as, “This is my everyday jacket.”

I especially love that this is from an excerpt she wrote ABOUT homeschooling.

Look, I’ll be the first to tell you that editing your own work is tough. That’s why real writers have editors. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone back to an article I’ve written, even though I’ve proofed it several times, and thought to myself, “Great, I look like a goddamn (insert word that isn’t “retard” but denotes the same sentiment); how did I miss that?”. And sometimes, I’m just lazy about it. Hell, just last week I accidentally wrote that Violet the Screaming Dog is a little “stalky,” when I really meant that she’s a little “stocky”. To be fair, she can be pretty fucking creepy at times. Sometimes I wake up to her just sitting there, staring at me. And try as I might, I can’t get the Marin County Courts to grant me a restraining order against a dog. They’re all, “Stop wasting our time, we have real crime to deal with.” And let’s face it, Violet would probably just ignore an order of restraint, probably citing “lack of ability to read,” and “lack of opposable thumbs to hold the paperwork”. What a dick.

But yeah, I’ll admit it, typos constantly sneak past me when I’m proofing my own work.

But do you know the difference between me and mom bloggers who homeschool ? I’m not writing a blog about educating children, and littering said blog with terrible spelling and grammar. I’m not taking it upon myself to be the sole educator for a growing brain. For shit’s sake (pop quiz Jamie: why is that apostrophe there?), if you’ve taken it upon yourself to actually be THE educator in the life of your children, get your shit together.

And while we’re at it: shouldn’t you have to prove to the state that you can academically function at the level of a high school graduate before you can be in charge of schooling your own kids? Or are the current regulations some kind of fucked-up, retroactive, “no adult left behind” plan that hopes to subtly teach the parents as they teach the kids?

Either way, if you’re a homeschooling parent who is: a) competent and, b) tired of the stigma that goes along with homeschooling your kids, perhaps take gals like Jamie and Danielle under your wing. Help them out so they don’t continue to perpetuate that stigma.

Is there a homeschool for homeschool parents?

Advertisements

The box below is for thought ejaculation. Think safely.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s