Happy Birthday to My Sister Wife

I have a few sister wives. Mind you, they are for me, not Calm-ass Husband. Believe it or not, I have more introverted than extroverted tendencies, so I like to keep a few close friends rather than a hundred acquaintances. Mainly because I like to stay drama-free and low maintenance and, sorry ladies, most women are not a low drama people. When I meet someone I like, I tend to love them right away because I can tell they’re my kindred spirit. So I tend to take my kindred spirits as sister wives.

Today is the birthday of one of my beautiful sister wives, and to honor it, I’ve come up with 5 of my favorite things about her:

1. She’s stabby. If people piss me off, I tend to get annoyed and want to stab them. She’s the same way. I can think of 3 people off the top of my head that I know she’s stabbed in her head at least 290 times.

2. She let me touch her boobs. ‘Nuff said.

3. She says the word “cunt” with such reckless abandon, that I’m pretty sure she’s on NOW’s list of particularly egregious women. Right next to my name.

4. She buys wine in bulk at the liquor store across the street from her office. How fucking classy is that?

5. She’s just as allergic to kids as I am. Nothing makes me spring a lady boner faster than seeing my sister wife get annoyed at a screaming child nearby.

Sister Wife, I love you to the moon and back! I hope your birthday is a drunken fuck-fest. Muah!

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