Pinterest’s War Against Boobs, An Open Letter to Pinterest

Pinterest recently notified me that it removed one of my pins, entitled Evgeniya Rudaya, because it is considered too nude. The offensive hardcore pornographic picture in question:

evgeniya rudaya

Horribly offensive photo

This devil’s photo prompted Pinterest to send the following email:

Hi Jess Harris,

I’m sorry to say that we had to remove one of your pins from Pinterest. The reason is, it looks like the pin may have had nudity on it.

The pin was called “Evgeniya Rudaya” and it was on your board Keepin’ the marriage fresh. Could you please remove any other pins like this from your account?

Right now we don’t allow nudity on Pinterest, because a lot of people use our site at work and around their families. We’ve outlined all this in our acceptable use policy.

If we made a mistake and your pin didn’t have nudity on it, we’re really sorry. Please let us know so we can keep improving our process.

Thanks so much for using Pinterest.
Sincerely,
The Pinterest Team

While I respect Pinterest’s guidelines, I respectfully disagree with this decision. So I wrote them back:

Dear Pinterest,

You recently emailed me to say you removed one of my pins because it contained nudity. I located that pin (attached) – which by the way is all over Pinterest in other pins – will those be removed as well?

I disagree that this pin constitutes nudity for two reasons:

1) The lovely model in the picture is wearing a negligee and, although it is see-through, there are strategically placed shadows covering any bits that might offend Pinterest’s gentle sensibilities. If you squint really hard, you can see the outline of a nipple, but to me nudity entails a private part hitting you directly in the eye. Well, maybe not in a literal sense – but if you see a nude, you know it right away without having to squint. Also, how is seeing a hint of a breast in this context somehow worse than the breastfeeding pictures on Pinterest? (Nothing against breastfeeding pictures, they’re lovely, I’m just saying I don’t get the difference)

2) As you noted in your email, the pin was removed from the board that I have entitled “Keepin’ the Marriage Fresh.” Why would I pin a nude picture to a board meant to keep my marriage fresh? Isn’t that pinning the blatantly obvious? I know that simply stripping nude will do the trick, I don’t need to pin a picture of a naked girl as a reminder that I should get naked every now and then to keep the husband happy. That would be like having a board entitled “Teeth,” and then pinning pictures of toothpaste, a toothbrush, and floss.

I think that Pinterest is meant for inspiration and I find it a shame that such a pretty and tasteful picture is considered too pornographic. Especially for a website that consistently allows the quote, “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.” to be attributed to Dr. Seuss, when anyone with HALF a brain knows that it was from the book True Love, by Robert Fulghum! Are nude women REALLY worse than the flagrant misquoting of authors?

Also, my husband grew up in England and he says that boobs are on TVs everywhere. Boobs are even in their newspapers. Bare boobs. I’d also like to point out that England has less gun violence than America. I think it is because America shows more violence in media than boobs, and perhaps if we balanced out the violence in media with more boobs, there wouldn’t be so much violence in the real world. This is where Pinterest has the opportunity to create more peace. With boobs. Be the change, Pinterest.

The offensive pin you removed is attached. I was in a bit of a conundrum as I didn’t want to send it to you as-is and risk offending you all over again, but I also needed it to be original so that you could see what I was describing in reason 1. In the end I compromised and only covered her right breast. If the left breast is still too overwhelming, I suggest closing your left eye and seeing if that helps.

Sincerely,
Jess Harris
the Wiseass Wife
wiseasswife.com

Only half as offensive

Only half as offensive

 

And if you’d like to pin this article, here is a “non-offensive” version of the picture to pin:

evgeniya-rudaya-1

 

Making Deals with the Devil In Utero: AKA My Experience with Adult Acne and Accutane

I sold my liver to Accutane several years ago.

I know what you’re thinking, “Wait, isn’t it supposed to be your soul? And isn’t it supposed to be to the devil?”

Well technically, yes. Those who know me well know that my soul was sold a long time ago. Like, probably in-utero, since I would assume that the devil can foresee the future and so was just proactive in showing up for my soul:

Devil: Hey tiny fetus Wiseass Wife.

Fetus WAW: What the – are you my twin?

Devil: No, I’m the devil, but close. Hey look..ummmm….I can actually see the future and yours is grim. Like, you do some pretty fucked up shit.

Fetus WAW: Oh…..well can you give me a hint as to what I’m going to do?

Devil: Nah, I don’t want to ruin the surprise. I did check with them upstairs to make sure you were actually supposed to come on down to earth, but they seemed pretty adamant. Something about some young guy you are going to woo into falling in love with you so that you can steal his youth essence and then terrorize him for the rest of your lives by asking him insane questions, like what human flesh tastes like. But, it looks like he’s not due to even be born for another uhhhh….(scanning clipboard)…6 1/2 years. So you’ll be looking for ways to bide your time until then.

Fetus WAW: Oh…ok…so what can I do?

Devil: Well you have two options. Option A is doing absolutely nothing: you’ll meet this guy, fall in love, terrorize him with insane questions until he eventually becomes unglued and retires to an underground bunker in the woods with nothing but automatic firearms and insane amounts of ammo. The kicker is that he is supposed to be the guy who invents time travel, but he doesn’t because he’s now insane, and so the entire course of time and the world is altered, which eventually causes mass chaos, death and destruction, blah blah blah

Fetus WAW: Oh shit. What is Option B?

Devil: You sell your soul to me and I will make sure that his own mom looks ten times more insane than you, so you will seem totally normal in comparison and he won’t feel the need to retire to an underground bunker.

Fetus WAW: Oh yeah Option B – let’s definitely go with that one.

Devil: Good choice.

Then he disappeared in a fiery smoke cloud, causing my mom to think it was just a touch of pregnancy indigestion. But no mom. It was your tiny little fetus baby, making deals with the devil. MWAHAHAHAHA

Demonic baby

Demonic baby

Back to Accutane. So when I was a young adult I got terrible acne. I’m assuming some sort of karmic payback for the beautiful alabaster skin that carried me through high school. It got bad and I tried everything. EVERYTHING. Proactiv, dietary changes, every skin care collection known to man, peels, regular facials. None of it mattered. Then my doctor put me on a drug called Minocycline, which gave me a pseudo-tumor on my brain.

A pseudo-tumor, for most who don’t know, is when fluid accumulates on your brain and makes it think you have a tumor. It also accumulates around the nerves in your eyes, which causes vision problems. This is how I knew something was up. I assumed I needed glasses, so I went to an optometrist:

Optometrist: So we are going to do a quick eye exam

Me: OK great.

Optometrist: (looking in my eye with that light thingy) OK you need to go to the emergency room immediately

Me: Will that get me my glasses quicker?

So turns out the way they take fluid off your brain is by draining it out of your spine with a spinal tap. That’s right – that is a real thing. Not just a band.

Also, when you get a spinal tap, they don’t tell you that you are going to later puke your guts out. But you are.

So after that little mishap, my doctors decided to finally put me on Accutane. While it doesn’t give you pseudo-tumors, it’s common side effects include: liver damage, high cholesterol, severe birth defects, and SUICIDE! But then I read the glowing reviews and how chronic acne sufferers saw results within a few weeks and was like, “Yes – definitely sign me up for that. Totally worth a dead liver and gimpy babies.”

The insert of Accutane package

The insert of Accutane package

Accutane comes in a bubble pack, and over every single dose of Accutane is a picture of a pregnant woman, with the circle and slash mark through it:

the wiseass wife

And I’m not even lying, within 3 days my skin was totally cleared up and glowing. It was beautiful once again.

The thing about Accutane is that it kills your oil glands. Which I guess must have been what was causing my horrible acne. And that makes sense – I had terribly oily skin.

The cool side effect of Accutane that they don’t tell you – you can LITERALLY go an entire week without washing your hair and it does not get oily in the least little bit! If you get a blowout, it looks just as amazing on day 7! Unfortunately that stops when you stop taking the Accutane.

BUT still, it has been 7 years since taking Accutane for a six month course, and I may occasionally get one tiny pimple right before my period, but that is it.

I’ve also developed eczema and increasing joint pain since taking Accutane, and I later learned that Accutane can also cause eczema and arthritis. But to be fair, arthritis runs in my family, so I won’t completely blame Accutane. And I’d honestly rather deal with a little eczema on my elbows and arms than horrible acne on my face. Maybe I’m vain, but I don’t even care.

My only regret is that, as a tiny unborn fetus, I didn’t have the foresight to at least haggle with the devil to include “amazing lifelong skin” in that whole soul-selling deal.

6 Things Your Guy Wants You to Wear (or Not)

So I asked CAH for five trends in women’s beauty that, from a guy’s perspective, he wishes would die (among them: oversized sunglasses, skinny jeans and floral print). However, he was much more keen to tell me things he loves on a woman. So here it is, a dude’s perspective on what we should (or shouldn’t) wear, courtesy of CAH:

(P.S. This is CAH’s professional picture for his firm. It kills me every time I look at it. What a ham.)

  1. Nothing. (He wasted no time on that one) CAH says, “The best thing a woman can wear is her natural self”
  2. Dangling earrings. CAH says, “It says you have both class and taste”
  3. Perfume. CAH says, “It’s unseen. But wear something subtle and not too sweet – somewhere between what my little cousin would wear and what my grandma would wear”
  4. A nice handbag. CAH says, “I like a unique handbag over a name brand handbag. Stop being materialistic.” His favorite picks? The mesh bags from Whiting & Davis that I tend to favor, and he thinks the concept behind Miche handbags are the coolest thing around.
  5. Subtle, but powerful makeup. CAH says, “Stop caking it on and having it look like you’re a clown. Add it where you need it, not where you want it. If your eyes pop, let them pop. If your lips don’t, then maybe help them out” (That was profoundly more insightful than I would have ever gave him credit for)
  6. Natural boobs. CAH says, “We are over Baywatch and no matter how good your doctor is at making them natural, we will find out. We are guys, when we are with a chick we love boobs no matter what. When we are with other guys we may talk about big boobs, but by ourselves, we’ll take anything.”

Products I Love: Flight 001 | EMERGENCY DRINKS POUCH

CAH knows me well and decided to surprise me with this adorable makeup bag. He found this awesome store near his office in San Fran, Flight 001. If you are a frequent traveler, this is the store for you. You can order online, or if you are in the SF area, you must go in and take a look around.

He surprised me with this Pamela Barsky makeup bag and I am beyond thrilled to flash this feisty little bag around. It is a great size and made of a thick, durable canvas.

With other cheeky pouches such as the “period!” period pouch, the “my lipstick is redder than your lipstick” pouch, and the “don’t disrespect art” pouch, there is literally something for everyone. She also has an assortment of easy-to-spot luggage tags that will help distinguish your red or black bag from the sea of red and black bags on the luggage carousel. Definitely a must for the jet-set lifestyle!

Adorable Flight 001 Gift Bag

Adorable Flight 001 Gift Bag

Pamela Barsky Pouch

Pamela Barsky Pouch

Best Home Tooth Whitening System for Cheap! Plus White 5 Minute Speed Whitening System

This is absolutely my favorite home tooth whitening system. I had seen it a ton of times whenever I was at the drugstore and perusing the home tooth whitening systems, but never even thought to try it because it was so inexpensive. I am a firm believer that you get what you pay for. Well my views changed when I happened upon all of the rave reviews for it at Makeup Alley. I decided to go right out and give it a shot and I got the entire whitening system for under $10.

This is my holy grail tooth of home tooth whitening systems! It works SO well, and seriously makes your chompers white! I mentioned it to my dentist on a recent trip when he asked me if I used any home tooth whitening systems. I sheepishly told him that I used this and then cringed, expecting a lecture on how it is bad for my teeth and I should come to them for their $300 treatments in the office. He just shrugged and said, “Yeah that is a pretty good one – just remember that anytime you whiten your teeth, your teeth are exposed during the treatment so if you have any coffee or wine, or other staining beverages or food, you are feeding that right into the teeth and it can be counter-productive. So hold off on those until your treatment is complete.”

Wow! Thanks Coolest Dentist EVER! So there you go, an awesome home tooth whitening system and a tip on the process!

Best At-Home Tooth Whitening System for Cheap

Plus White 5 Minute Speed Whitening System : Plus White.

400 lipsticks found to contain lead, FDA says – The Washington Post

Uh-oh my beauties – 400 lipsticks found to contain lead! It may be a trace amount, but if you consider the fact that many of us are constantly wearing it, do we want constant exposure? I do not! Read more after pic!

400 shades of lipstick found to contain lead, FDA says

 

400 lipsticks found to contain lead, FDA says – The Washington Post.

DIY Nails: Valentines DIY Nail Tutorial from Guest Blogger Brittany

So excited to bring you the guest post from Brittany of lifesetsail.blogspot.com, here to give you a fun Valentines DIY nail tutorial:

Hello My Lovelies!

As well all know, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! 

Now this holiday is, well kind of a really silly holiday if you think about it…who needs one specific day to show your love to someone special? The only real reason I’m getting excited about it is because I like any kind of holiday festivities, no matter what the occasion, plus forcing myself into doing extra special little things means I have something to Blog about!

…Okay, and I’m a newlywed so I can be extra cheesy about EVERYTHING.

SO, what I have for you today is a simple idea that will easily get you in the Valentine’s Day spirit. What’s more is that you probably don’t have to go out and buy anything in order to do it, bonus 😉

Today, we learn all about my VALENTINE’S DAY MANICURE!!!

Now, I apologize if you are the sort of person that doesn’t get as excited as I do about painting your nails. Alas, I am a girl…the kind of girl that likes ALL things girly!

What you have to do to accomplish this look is:

a) Paint your nails your favourite Red (I did one nail white because I’m silly)

b) Blob a bit of polish on a piece of paper and use a Toothpick to make dots ALL over your nails, making heart shaped patterns

c) Finish with Top Coat

SEE, EASY PEASY!

*Flatten out your toothpick a bit by tapping it on the surface of your counter or table. This will make it a lot easier to pick up more paint.

**If your toothpick starts to get a bit gunky, start a new one!

Now go flaunt your nails for all to see!!

Interested in Non-Toxic, Earth-Friendly polishes? Check out Scotch NaturalsSuncoat, and Aquarella!