WINK Wednesday – Orange Julius Wine Slushie

It’s that day of the week! WINK Wednesday, the day to celebrate being child-free and inebriated. This is my very first WINK Wednesday post, so I thought I would bring you something extra special.

Something super classy.

Something that will have the wine snobs fainting in their chairs.

Orange Julius Wine Slushies – HO YEAH!


Let’s do this!

2 cups of your favorite white wine
8-10 peeled and seeded oranges (or 2 1/2 cups of orange juice, if you want to be lazy)
1/2 cup of powdered sugar
2 teaspoons of vanilla extract
3 cups of ice

Blend everything except the ice for about 30 seconds, until nice and perfectly blended, then add the ice a bit at a time. Use less ice if you like a thiner consistency you can drink with a straw, or that doesn’t hit you in the face all at once when you tip your cup to drink. Use more ice if you love taking it in the face.

Which I know you do. You nasty thing.

Now get drunk and celebrate your freedom, my fellow WINKS of the world.

And remember, a fabulous vintage house dress always makes the WINK experience much better.


Because, Why Not? How to Cook a Placenta and the Best Wine Pairings with Placenta (Warning: Graphic Pictures)

CAH recently noted that I am a quiet person. Which is weird because I have soooooo much stuff running through my head. His comment actually kind of surprised me. So I told him I’d try getting more of the stuff that is floating around in my head out of my actual head-hole. He thanked me.

Silly CAH.

So last night I say to him:

ME: What do you think human flesh tastes like?
CAH: Are you serious?
ME: Hey! You’re the one who wants me to start saying what I’m thinking!

I had him there.

I decided to google “What does human flesh taste like” and it brought up videos for cooking placenta. Human placenta. PEOPLE ARE PREPARING AND EATING HUMAN PLACENTA!

Just pretend it's animal liver

Just pretend it’s animal liver

Whenever I am confronted with something that shocks me, especially if it is gross/gory/violent, my thought process generally goes like this: “OH MY GOD THAT IS HORRIFYING!…..I should look into this more.”

When I got over the initial shock and thought about, it made sense. I mean, a placenta grew an entire human. There has got to be good shit in there, right? Apparently it is great for postpartum depression. January Jones, from Mad Men, apparently had hers made into pills and ate it.

got placenta?

got placenta?

I know that I’m likely on board with it because the traditional doctors are staunchly against it – so I am assuming that there is something to it.

Either way who cares – it’s your damn placenta. Do with it as you please.

Eating placenta

But people are cooking these placentas like they are a delicacy! I guess I get it – if you’re going to eat it anyways, may as well make it good. Apparently it is similar to liver. So I am throwing my own recipe into the ring. I have adapted this recipe from a vintage edition of Better Homes & Gardens cookbook.

Note: this recipe is adapted – they did not use placenta in the actual cookbook

Better Homes & Garden did not have placenta in mind when they wrote that.

Better Homes & Garden did not have placenta in mind when they wrote that.

Placenta Loaf

1 Placenta (be sure you remove the membrane and umbilical cord – that thing is a little tough)
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup dry bread crumbs
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon celery salt
2 beaten eggs
1/2 cup vegetable stock
pepper to taste

Cover placenta with hot water and let it simmer for 5 minutes. Drain and put the placenta and onions in a food processor and process. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Put into a 10×5 loaf pan and form well.

Bake at 350 for 45 minutes

I have NOT tested this recipe, because I did not have a spare placenta. If you try it, let me know how it goes.

As for wine pairings, I’d say go with the traditional wine pairings for organ meats: Barolo, Rhone or Pinot Noir.

Whatever you do, don’t do Chianti. C’mon – that’s too obvious.

The Sweet-ass Chicken Wing Off: The Best Chicken Wing Recipe

Me and CAH had a wing-off with some friends recently. CAH’s friend who, like the Calm-ass Husband, is pretty calm himself (Calm-ass Friend), and one of my Sweet-ass Sister Wives (I have several).

CAH asserted that he made the better chicken wing. CAF asserted that HE made the better chicken wing. SASW and I asserted that we would love to sit on our asses and drink, while the men worked in the kitchen. Regardless of who won, it was a pretty sweet deal for SASW and me.

Men at Work

Men at Work

Both of the wing masters were kind enough to give me their special sauces (hee hee) on my vegetarian chicken. CAF is a fellow East Coaster, like myself, so I told him that I expected the wings to be up to snuff.

He did not disappoint.

CAH made his usual wings, which are pretty damn good.

Master Baster

Master Baster

CAF’s wings had tears running down CAH’s cheeks. These West Coasters and their virgin tongues.

The verdict:

CAF’s wings were seriously East Coast-worthy: 10 points
CAH’s wings have a sweetness that I love: 10 points
My Sweet-ass Sister Wife has a sweet ass: 15 points

SASW is the clear winner.

This is one of my and CAH’s favorite hot wing recipes. For my fellow rabbit food eaters, I warm up a Quorn Naked Chik’n Cutlet, slice it in strips, and toss it with the sauce.

Update on my DIY Homemade Kombucha – my SCOBY Sank!

Hello my fellow wiseasses! I rarely do a Saturday post, but I was slammed yesterday so missed one! Plus, I wanted to give you all an update on my DIY homemade kombucha AND give you a formal invitation 🙂

Well, my SCOBY sank. The SCOBY (Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast) is the culture of your kombucha and looks like a flat, rubbery pancake. Or, as CAH so lovingly refers to it, the “placenta.” Needless to say, like most of my health ventures, it has taken some time to get CAH on board.

I wasn’t sure what the significance of SCOBY sinking was, but given my natural tendancy to kill plants, despite my best efforts, I naturally assumed I had just killed my SCOBY and ruined my first batch of kombucha. Luckily, some frantic Googling revealed that this is normal, and my beloved little bacterial pancake was just fine. And when I noticed it was thriving, I felt like a proud mama. I can make bacteria grow! Woo hoo!

my beloved bacterial pancake: I named it Scoby-dooby-doo

But my frantic SCOBY-saving mission got me thinking, I need my own little harem of kombucha-experts with whom to discuss these things! Since I am a creature that tends to follow the path of least resistance, I would like a group on Facebook, where I usually am anyways. So I have started my own DIY homemade kombucha Facebook group! I would love for you all to come join us! Whether you are just contemplating starting to brew your own, or are a seasoned kombucha expert, we’d love to have you!

Join us here:

Homemade Kombucha Recipe

I decided to make my own Kombucha! After looking up a bunch of homemade Kombucha recipes, I decided to go the kit-route.

For those of you who are Kombucha newbies, it is essentially fermented tea that has many, many health benefits. According to the website What is Kombucha?:

Kombucha is a living health drink made by fermenting tea and sugar with the Kombucha culture. The result can taste like something between sparkling apple cider and champagne, depending on what kind of tea you use.

In terms of its health benefits, they go on to state:

Supporters say that Kombucha tea can boost the immune system and reverse the aging process. Kombucha tea is said to contain antioxidants, compounds that block the action of free radicals (activated oxygen molecules that can damage cells). For people who have cancer, proponents claim the tea can improve the body’s defenses (especially in the early stages of cancer) by detoxifying the body and enhancing the immune system. After the body has been detoxified, the tea is said to help repair and balance the body and fight off disease.

Because the store-bought stuff can set you back $3-4/bottle, I decided to try my hand at making my own homemade kombucha.

This is what you need to start:

  • SCOBY – Symbiotic Colony of Bacteria and Yeast. You can find these online, or locally on craigslist.
  • 1 cup organic sugar
  • 12 black or green teabags
  • 1 gallon glass jug

I went the easy route, and ordered a Kombucha starter kit online through Oregon Kombucha.

My handy kit came complete with all of the above (sans 1 gallon glass jar) for $15. It also came with handy brewing instructions. Couldn’t have been easier!

I followed the instructions provided by Oregon Kombucha carefully by boiling 1 gallon of water, then taking it off the heat and adding the tea bags. They recommend leaving black tea bags in for 4 minutes and green or white tea bags in for 2 minutes. Since I used the green tea they enclosed in my kit, I left it to steep for 2 minutes. After that I took out the tea bag and added the sugar, stirring until dissolved.

Once I brewed the tea and added the sugar, I transferred the mixture to the jug and added the SCOBY. While it ferments, you have to keep it warm, dry and clean. It prefers temperatures of 75-90 degrees. Because I don’t typically keep my house at that temperature and I live in the San Francisco Bay Area (read: cold), we decided to put it in a box behind our computer, which is always warm. Here is our little Kombucha jug:

Homade Kombucha Recipe

Homemade Kombucha Recipe

It is recommended that you cover the jar loosely with a kitchen towel or t-shirt to allow the Kombucha to breathe, while blocking some light and keeping bugs, dirt, etc out of it. I covered with a mesh nutbag for extra bug protection (the sugary liquid does have me slightly worried about ants) and a clean dish towel. Now comes the waiting game. According to the Oregona Kombucha peeps, it will be ready in 7 days, but for a true big and tangy taste, wait up to 30 days. I do love the tangy Kombucha, so I shall do a taste test each week to see how it is coming along. More to come in a week!